Sunday, April 30, 2006
Dearest Friends & bestfriend
A call from you is enough to make my day, a smile from you is enough to reassure me. Through the ups and the downs of my life, you have always been there for me morally although not physically. I really appreciate it all.
Chingoo yah, sarang hae yo.
8:17 PM
Friday, April 28, 2006
Today is the starting of my Mid-Year Exams.
5:59 AM
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Michelle> meaning?
I am packed for the whole day today.
9:33 AM
Thursday, April 20, 2006
I felt nauseous when i speak to you, my eyeballs felt like turning inside out.
In short, FUCK YOU!
I hate your bimbo manners, i hate your fucking attitude, i hate the fact that we are still so close and you know me so well. I HATE YOUR FUCKING SOUL AND BODY.
FUCK YOU MAN.
8:36 PM
Marks of my reminiscing
Less than an hour ago, i was on the computer viewing the MNET! countdown Shinhwa performance and now i am still grinning widely from the elation and estascy. The starting tune of each performance seems to have brought me back to the old times especially Perfect Man. Thanks to this song, i ventured back even further and the 2002 World Cup Performance`Euphoria Concert performance`Ting concert performance flashes in my mind. What could have brought up such a great response from my dead brain and morbid soul- none other than Shinhwa.
4:57 PM
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Me & you
At the beginning when our friendship had started off well, everything was fine and life was pleasant such that everyday was sunny. I let out my secrets and you told me yours with longing trust- vice versa but then things had changed. We were strangers embarking on a journey to gain more knowledge and to learn about you and me but then came the storms and the rainy days. You could say- corrosion had taken place such that things were no longer the same.
One year later and now i am back on the same journey, the familar winding trees that passes by me which trigger the awakening of my sealed up memory as i make my way to the destination. It left me wondering that will it be the same again?
11:25 PM
Monday, April 17, 2006
Inspired by beauty and the beast.
Many a times we fantasized wishing that we are caught in a fairytale-liked romance being whisked away in limos or benz, dancing the night away at the Renaissance or Swissotel or perhaps engaging in a heated passionate exercise with the love of your life against the dark red velvet bed covers where clothes are strewn everywhere. However as the reponsibilities of a work week knock us out of dream land, we are back to reality again. All that were glittering and shimmering in the fantasy had faded to a mere illusion thus pushed to our subconcious mind waiting to be uncovered one day. =]
I am a girl, a girl who is no more than 15 yet doubtful of herself; doubtful of her charms and doubtful of her existence here on earth. Just like a stem of rose which pricks even though it may looks exquisite on the exterior. Beneath this facade of mine lies the insecurity, the lack of confident and self-esteem. The insecurity that i feel on whether my friends will love me for who i am, whether i will eventually be an outcast someday and whether i am actually worth being cared for. The lack of confident and self esteem that makes me uncertain regarding some of my decisions. I am a girl who do not yearn for much, not swarovski jewelleries or hermes and burberry- but all i want is some care and concern and a smooth sailing life. I am a girl who fantasizes about members of a boyband supposedly soon to be mine, wishing and hoping but it will never come true.
I am a girl living my life just as any other teenager but in my status of a girl living in this world, i am a nobody.
8:48 PM
*screams*
JUNSU GOES TO JUNSOOLOVER and DONJUNSU <3
1:56 PM
Sunday, April 16, 2006
I am having a fever. =[
5:38 PM
Friday, April 14, 2006
LOL.
cynthia and michelle is love.
but
crystal is REAL love!
-thats so random!
9:44 PM
I went to watch Reincarnation with cynthia today (:
It was overall a thrilling show but now i don't dare to sleep alone!
Michelle is having a sorethroat! LALALA~ yet she still can scream/shout/yell. =O=;;
Get well soon!!
8:17 PM
The video of jaejoong apologizing made me cried <3
OPPA HWAITING!
10:43 AM
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
It is ironic how i cry myself to sleep everynight.
9:53 PM
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Well, i scored. (:
7:20 PM
Monday, April 10, 2006
Often everything that is revolving around me felt so surreal.
Sometimes spastic and fake- as if taunting the devil inside of me.
I find myself reaching out to touch it, hence gripping it tighter and swirling into self-deception so as to create a fairytale for myself.
Then when i thought that everything was perfect, my world crumble into pieces.
Destiny-fate-karma, how mankind deceives themselbes.
Spread my wings and soar higher but instead i am lost into the vast abysses of space and time.
One word. One conclusion and one explanation.
Reality.
By the way, MICHELLE MADE ME LAUGHED HELLA LOADS ON FRIDAY TOO. <3
She also made me lost my appetite by talking about elephant shit and some philosophy book on some illness that she went talking about it for the whole day.
I had noticed a trend in the michelle-ness talkshow, for January 2006- it was the twins. February 2006- it was her cinderella (GOODNESS SAKE! i had actually thought it was HEECHUL!) Mid-march 2006 (continuing)- Her funny guy (arihant)-however his name is spelled. LOl.
Eunice asked me why did i not post?
Now i am going to ask her in my blog, why did she not tag? >:[
ACTUALLY i think that many of them out there did not tag too!
Saturday started off with a boring morning but ended with me wondering whether i had gained any weight :x
My relatives came over on friday! MY COUSIN IS SO CUTE!
Sunday was as usual busy because it was my mom's birthday! =D
Regarding the whole jaejoong controversy, i only hope he had understood what it means by being a SINGER- simplified, a famous person. Though his punishment met out by AVEX jap co. was harsh but i think they tried their best to settle this whole inccident peacefully.
Jaejoong oppa, i will be behind you all the way.
Stardom
Sometimes i just want to let the devil inside of me to run amok
Often i want to be just like any other teenager that drink` party n drive.
Amidst the endless night, i find myself wanting a company- a girlfriend.
Why can't i let go of all these?
The attraction of stardom is too great; it is like a dream to good to be true.
However the price of freedom is too heavy too.
Interest soon became a must-do; just like a performing robot.
Actually with a smile plastered on my face, my heart is breaking within.
Nonstop of practicing, dancing and singing; this is my life.
With a wave or smile from me; girls go crazy.
How much do they know of the real me? They stood there with their support by buying my albums- i earned their money.
They shrieked, they screamed, they yelled, they pulled my hair`clothes`touched me.
I want to yell out loud, "I AM NOT A SPECIMEN ON EXHIBITION!" -but i can't.
Praying to god, i can only be thankful that i have my family and the rest of the guys with me.
-Is that how they feel at times?
7:05 PM
Friday, April 07, 2006
TODAY AFTER SCHOOL WAS DAMN FUN!
x)
I had langdu rehearsal with the rest of the girls so my mum came to fetch us with the exception of cynthia to Bedok's KFC! LOL! We both order a set each larh, but somehow our "lunch" ended at 4+ when we reached there around 2.30 i think?
Soon, around 3? Cynthia and dexter joined us! =P
How do you expect me to be able to EAT my food properly with that guy sitting down there making remarks every now and then. BLEAGH. I laughed very hard and very loud- many many times. LOLS!
Actually when i was not laughing, the rest were larh ok! SO.. KEKE!
I am feeling so high now.
Epik High- Fly!
6:46 PM
Thursday, April 06, 2006
To -my other partner holding claim of junsu-,
I do not care whether you repeated your studies
I cannot not care whether you are upset
I cannot not care because you are my friend
I do not care how you think of me;
All i know is that i will be there for you
-Ying
I REALLY LOVE AND ADORE YOU. CHEER UP ALRIGHT?
Random.
I shut everything out with just closing of my eyes
I refuses to let the tears fall just by holding on to that breath
Eyes. Tears. Blood. Knife.
They hold the power to tell my lines.
Trickling down as if one at a time
Blood. Tears.
Spreading further out as if trying to conquer my whole soul
Aches. Anguish. Angst.
The sharp light that pricked my eyes as if the knife had pricked my soul
Knife- Sharp, dangerous and hurting.
Till the day that i will let go, it echoes soundly.
Too late, i am already being manipulated by my brains.
It already gave in- as the the red blush liquid sprinted out of my wound
Slowly and temptingly, i was being sucked into a whirlpool being spinned round and round.
I then smiled.
There she laid on the marble floor in an angel like stance but because of the blood- she looked like an angel who had been tainted.
Fury, helplessness, anguish, guilty- all in one shot, it was hard to express my feelings then in words but i know, the aching pain in my heart could have jolly well killed me on the spot- take my soul now please. There is no meaning of me living on when she is gone. No longer can i have her caressing me; no longer can i hear my name coming out of her sweet suple lips; no longer is she living either and for the second time in my life, i had cried.
The stinging aches is far worse than anything i had ever felt, it was worse than if i had been thrown into a sea of needles, if i had been scalded by hot boiling water... i really could not take it. It came too sudden, too shocking until it seems that facing reality is going to knock the life out of me.
-to be continued-
8:54 PM
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
I am so frustrated with this life of mine.
Oh, like what the fuck.
(i just felt like saying that)
Right now chatting to crystal unnie. Did i mention before, i love her? =D
9:54 PM
Monday, April 03, 2006
HAHA!
I am secretly using the computer during E-learning.
Bernice is an arse. She called me stupid.
BooHoo!
3:38 PM
Sunday, April 02, 2006
It is ironic how people can assume and criticize when they do not even know what is going on.
It is ironic how people do not think, do not observe and shoot off the mouth even before anything.
It is ironic how they think that those who are not hurting are the ones who are hurting the most.
It is ironic how they think that they are the best.
It is sad to see how brainless you are, only seeing things on the surface- Studying and getting good grades is not everything when your personality proves to be otherwise.
I did not even pointed the knife at you, it was being referred to someone else. Are you that guilty of it that you thought it was you? But judging from your nickname, i cannot help but assume you are pointing it at me.
HAH. Enlightened me please.
3:16 PM
The greatest love of all is easy to achieve.
You'll need to love yourself is the greatest love of all.
I refused. I struggled. I resisted.
All in vain.
Denying myself of the reality.
The enormous hatred brewing inside of me, rumbling and moaning wanting to escape.
Please, do not trigger it.
I am trying my best to soothe it. Trying my best to pretend that nothing had ever happened.
Just don't.
2:43 PM
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Today was great [:
i love cynthia and michelle
but i despise this girl.
8:04 PM
Time is a great healer but a bad beautician.
10:48 AM
